Amusing Marriage Tweets For Anyone Who's Said 'I Do'

Author image for Ada Elder
Ada Elder
Oct 30, 2019 4:00 PM EDT

Anyone who is married - or even just knows people who are wedded - knows that the institution comes with its ups and downs. Every person has their tics and when you're in a committed relationship, sometimes it feels like they're held under a lens. But for all the grief and annoyance, marriage, more than anything, has the power to make us laugh. These tweets are a great example of the hilarity that comes with saying "I do."

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  • 01
    Nose - Josh @iwearaonesie wife: Do you love the dog more than- me: Yes
    via youandmeandrainbows
  • 02
    Text - Avogadro's House of Moles @schumoo just learned that my wife has "house socks" and "public socks" and I didn't even know you could do that
    via youandmeandrainbows
  • 03
    Footwear - Dan Regan @Social Mime Marriage teaches you when your wife asks you which shoes look better, simply picking one won't do, you must present at least two concise, legitimate reasons.
    via youandmeandrainbows
  • 04
    Font - karanbir singh @karanbirtinna My wife heard a noise downstairs and woke me up to go check it out. Because apparently my life doesn't matter.
    via youandmeandrainbows
  • 05
    Hair - Simon Holland @simoncholland My wife is getting her hair done today and I'm just really hoping I can nail my reaction this time.
    via youandmeandrainbows
  • 06
    Text - Stay at Homies @stayathomies Syld I often wonder if there's some hidden door to a new world in the bathroom like in Chronicles of Narnia that my husband enters when he says he's going to the bathroom
    via youandmeandrainbows
  • 07
    Facial expression - friggin french @FrigginFrench One time I tried to part my hair down the middle and my husband said I looked like Dennis Leary. Somehow, we're still married
    via youandmeandrainbows
  • 08
    Text - jo diggity @WhaJoTalkinBout paramedic: sir, I tried "Wife" from your phone and she didn't pick up my husband: *gasping for breath* you have to call twice
    via youandmeandrainbows
  • 09
    Text - realleigh spooky @MommaUnfiltered like to run a space heater in my room until it gets so hot I have to turn a fan on and my husband asks me for a divorce.
    via youandmeandrainbows
  • 10
    Product - URSULA @3sunzzz My husband pissed me off so when he wasn't looking poured water on the floor in front of the dishwasher. He's been fixing it for the past 2 hours.
    via youandmeandrainbows
  • 11
    Text - sigh clops (no, spookier) @aotakeo [pulling my wife out of the sewer] her: this is why you have to put the toilet seat down >
    via youandmeandrainbows
  • 12
    Text - Tawny Thee Breed Stock Paint @TrondyNewman Please help. My husband just started running. He runs in jeans. With a belt. I don't have anyone I can talk to about this. I am so alone.
    via youandmeandrainbows
  • 13
    Text - ww @WOnderWOmanWOw Marriage isn't weird at al.. hoards the last nine Q-tips
    via youandmeandrainbows
  • 14
    Text - Dan Regan @Social Mime My wife claims she trusts me, and yet she will always inspect a carton of eggs I pick out
    via youandmeandrainbows
  • 15
    Text - Barbie @barbie_miller1 My husband and I might be weird, but at least we're not sit-on-the-same-side-of-the-booth weird.
    via youandmeandrainbows
  • 16
    Text - Jawbreaker @sixfootcandy Husbands: Because someone has to try the expired tuna salad
    via youandmeandrainbows
  • 17
    Text - Jessie @mommajessiec Husband: *crying* Please don't do this to our family. I beg you. Me: *adding another diy home improvement to my Pinterest board*
    via youandmeandrainbows
  • 18
    Text - The Betty @BoomBoomBetty I kind of wish my spouse would get a side piece but only for talking end lessly about our home security system.
    via youandmeandrainbows
  • 19
    Text - Sparky @crunchenhanced I've been married for about 45 lbs.
    via youandmeandrainbows
  • 20
    Text - Jawbreaker @sixfootcandy Me: Do you love me? Husband: What did you break this time? >
    via youandmeandrainbows
  • 21
    Text - Bart @bartandsoul If you are arguing with your wife and you have pizza stains on the front of your shirt you are going to lose
    via youandmeandrainbows
  • 22
    Text - Richard Dean @dad on_my.feet I'm just a man Watching his wife mow the lawn And wondering What exactly I bring to this marriage.
    via youandmeandrainbows
  • 23
    Text - John Stapleton @BalletMischief Wife: last night I woke up, your elbow was on my mouth. Me: oh I'm sorry W: eh, it was kinda comfortable, so I left it there.
    via youandmeandrainbows
  • 24
    Text - Some Boys' Mother someboysmother I know it looks like my husband and I are eating in silence and ignoring each other, but we're eavesdropping on you so we can talk about you in the car.
    via youandmeandrainbows
  • 25
    Face - Rinnie @RinnieOathkeepe When your husband is unexpectedly home and you don't want him to see all the clothes you just bought LOOK AWAY!
    via youandmeandrainbows
  • 26
    Text - 911 Emergen Twin Dad TwinSurvivalist [Husband 911 Me: I just shattered the gravy boat 911: She'll kill you. M: I know. 911: We never spoke. M: What? hold 911: Good luck *Click
    via youandmeandrainbows
  • 27
    Hair - Swim JeansA @ShortSleeveSuit My wife just found a coupon for lice treatment and yelled to everyone in the house "if you're gonna get lice, people, get it now!"
    via youandmeandrainbows
  • 28
    Text - Sarcastic Mommy @sarcasticmommy4 *getting ready to go on vacation* Me: We're getting in the car. My husband: Ok, I just need to take a quick shower & reconfigure the whole sprinkler system.
    via youandmeandrainbows
  • 29
    Text - URSULA @3sunzzz I told my husband I was sad today. It's not true but when I'm sad he takes me out to dinner. When you've been married for 27+ years you learn a thing or two.
    via youandmeandrainbows
  • 30
    Product - ON OFF CENU CesTA SAIR mark TheCatWhisprer My wife just got mad at me for fast forwarding through a commercial because she wanted to use that time to look at her phone. DASH ENTER SKY
    via youandmeandrainbows

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marriage tweets twitter marriage random memes silly memes wife relationships husband love funny tweets random tweets married
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